thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
