you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
lol hangovers are for mortals.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
