I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize