I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
