man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
