Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
