I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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