his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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