we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
