Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
