i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize