i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
