Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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