where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
