she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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