Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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