I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
