i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
