Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
