Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The air taste purple.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
