Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
