my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
