You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
