He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
