Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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