Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
