On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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