Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
