im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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