He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
