I need help removing her.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
