if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
