There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
