are you still at the devil's house?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
