all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
did i just pee glitter
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
