happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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