Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize