hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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