On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
