In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Its about making memories worth repressing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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