are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize