Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
