Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
