I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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