he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
