He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
