it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize