Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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