I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
