GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
