I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
