I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
