There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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