It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
