can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
