I bet he comes in French.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
