"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
