hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
