I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
