I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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