Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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