we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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