how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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