I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
