If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
