My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
