the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
