First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
