I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
MIDGETS
????
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
