she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
