I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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