on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
